About a year ago, there was a night when I was up late unpacking and organizing the kitchen after we moved into our house. Derek was at work and the kids were all sleeping. We had just finished moving, and the TV wasn't set up yet, so I was listening to the radio. I had been listening to the Buzz (alternative and rock) all evening as I cleaned and put stuff away. As it got later and the house got quieter- I just felt uncomfortable. Anyone that knows me, knows that I am a scardy cat! I hate being home alone at night, especially in a new house, and all the boxes and shadows and new noises were making me crazy! So, when Highway to Hell came on, I decided to turn the radio to something a little more soothing. That's when I found K-love. I had never heard of it, but the sound of someone singing about Jesus and comfort just made my nerves settle. From that night until the cable guy came a few days later, I would spend my time unpacking and cleaning listening to K-love. And when the cable and TVs were all set up, I realized that I missed that good feeling I got from the music, so I starting listening to it on my way to work, and with the kids while running errands. It slowing became a daily routine.
Now, each morning while I drive to work, I listen to christian music. I spend that time praying and talking to God. During the past year I have realized several things about my relationship with God. I realize that my relationship with God is the greatest blessing I have, and I have been blessed for a long time. One day a few weeks ago, I thought about people who talk about finding God late in their lives and how it has changed them. While I know it's wonderful to find God at any age, I can't imagine going through my life without the comfort and grace that God has given me up to this point. I remember praying with my Grandpa when I was 5 while a thunderstorm moved over our house and I was scared to death. I remember the peace in my Grandpa's voice over the phone as he prayed for God to watch over my house and give me comfort- and I remember the comfort that I felt after that prayer. I remember praying at night when I would have nightmares about scary movies that I would watch with my brother, and I would fall asleep while still talking to God. I remember praying for my Grandma when she found out she had cancer, and how wonderful it was when the doctors told us it hadn't spread and that they were able to completely remove the tumor. And she has been cancer free for 20 years. These memories make me feel so blessed that I have always had God to lean on during the scary moments of my life, and that I have ALWAYS had God to thank for carrying me through them. When I look back on my life I can see the moments when I followed God, and I see the moments when God just had to pick me up and carry me through. I know that there are many people who don't have that relationship with God, but I just can't help but feel that He is still there for them to lean on, even though they don't understand. And I know that He will still carry them through the tough times, and God willing one day they will look back and realize that He is real and that He was there all along. There is such peace and joy in that realization, I can't imagine living without it. I know I have made many, many mistakes, and I haven't been the person I should be, but that is all a part of life. So, when I make mistakes, I just try to learn from them and not make the same mistakes again.
Everyday as I pray and thank God for my many blessings, I thank him for finding me when I was so young. I know that my life has been full because he has always been with me no matter what I have been through.
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